Its crazy how immediately after the two lines show up on a pregnancy test, your life changes. It is no longer just about you; there is someone more important and you haven't even met them yet. After my previous experiences, every day of my pregnancy had a small sense of fear and anxiety to it. Most days, I was able to push through but others, the fear and anxiety won. This was especially true in the days leading up to an ultrasound. See, it was at an ultrasound in 2019 where the doctors determined that there was no heartbeats present in my previous pregnancy. After everything I had been thru, I kept waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and have something go wrong. Luckily, the Universe had other plans. At our first ultrasound in December 2021, I was glad that chiflador was able to be there; he got to experience something so pure with me, the sight of our little baby jellybean and its heart flickering on the screen. I am so glad he was able to come with me as it was the same room where they confirmed 2019 that my previous pregnancy needed to be medically terminated as there were no longer any heartbeats. Entering the same room make my stomach turn 180 degrees. However, this time it was different. I had a very supportive partner and was at a much better place in my life. It still warms my heart to think back to that day and how unexpectedly I was overcome with emotion. I remember I called my sisters and started to cry and sob happy tears because "we had a heartbeat!"
As pregnancy progressed, I started to really let my self enjoy being pregnant and fought every day to not let the anxiety and fear take over this beautiful experience I was blessed to have. Yes, some days were harder than others. The first trimester I was extremely fatigued! There was times where I would sit on the couch and wake up 2-3 hours later confused and not realizing that I had taken a whole ass nap! It was also a little hard for chiflador to truly understand why I was so tired so easily and most of the time. I would also get really nauseous if I would not eat every 2.5 hours on the dot - cue the snack stash. The second trimester was pretty easy going. The nausea was pretty much gone and aside from getting easily winded, things were going well! In January, I unfortunately got COVID-19. It was a super scary time simply because there was a lot of unknowns. I panicked and cried a lot of just the fear of something happening to my jellybean. Luckily, the "worst" part was that I lost my taste and being pregnant with cravings was no fun; chiflador or friends would bring me what I was craving and I would get so disappointed because I literally could not taste or smell it! Later in the second trimester, I did get diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which initially had me feeling like a failure. Luckily, since I don't eat too poorly, the worst part was having to poke and track blood sugars; the actual diet part was not too bad and I was able to control the GD with diet and exercise. Other than the occasional back pain, there was no real complaints. This was also the time that the chiflador's real identity was revealed.
See, when I say I have literally known him my whole life, I mean it. My grandparents used to babysit him when he was little! And there are even old pictures we are both in at family weddings and events. Our families go way back and like a typical hispanic family, his aunt married my grand-uncle; but don't worry, we are not related (LOL). Aside from my sister, he really is my best friend. We decided it was time to tell people who the baby daddy truly was. When we told my mom, it seemed she was relieved it was him, after all, she knew him; chiflador was no longer a stranger she worried about meeting. I think this also helped me truly enjoy the second trimester; I no longer had a sense of hiding this major part of myself and the pregnancy. We also confirmed that we were having a little boy. My momma heart could not handle it; a little chiflador that was half him and half me.
There was baby showers and nursery set up happening amongst the second and third trimester along with multiple doctors appointments. It seemed like I literally lived either at the doctors office, at work, and some times, at home. I spent a lot of evenings just sitting in his nursery, I finally had what I never knew I always wanted. When I was a teenager, I was told I would never had children of my own and I trained my mind and heart to fully believe that. I was in and out of the hospital and doctors appointments, I was put on and taken off multiple types of medication and ultimately, no real answers were produced. When I changed insurances in 2017, my new OB said we would just take it month by month. Nothing made me realized how badly I wanted to have a child than the day in the ultrasound room when the doctor came in and confirmed that there were no longer heartbeats. Fast forward 3 years and it was actually happening A nursery was set up, the bassinet was by my bed and the bags were packed. Now we just were waiting for baby.
The days leading up to delivery were kind of weird. I stopped working two weeks before simply because my hands would be so swollen when I would wake up that I was literally able to type. I did some walking and spent some time swimming. There was times where I swore he was coming then suddenly, contractions would stop and there was no signs of him coming. I literally tried all the things that I possibly could and that I was comfortable doing. My amazing doctor and I had a plan; due to the GD, we agreed that I would not go too much past 40 weeks due to the unknown size of the baby. If you know me in real life, I am a pretty petite person; chiflador is not - he's almost 6" tall and his two older sons are also tall. His mother mentioned to us that he was a larger baby and with the GD, there was a fear that the baby would be on the larger side which would possibly impact delivery. Luckily, at the last measuring ultrasound, I was cleared to attempt to have a vaginal delivery. The date was set, we would be admitted into the hospital for induction on July 10, 2022 at 8pm and I would be leaving as a momma to a newborn son.
xoxo,
Julie